One-Upping the Universe

I had a type-1 diabetes scare this morning, and it has left me a little shaken. I forgot to take one of my routine insulin injections last night and woke up very sick this morning. This has happened before. I’m neither an ideal nor textbook diabetes patient. I’m not the most compliant either. People have asked me, incredulously, “How do you just forget to take your insulin? It’s what keeps you alive!” I don’t forget that it keeps me alive. I forget to make myself wake up and sit up once I’m almost all the way asleep, take the cap off a syringe, and inject it. So please be gentle with your cross-examinations because this is as much a human flaw as it is me being a bad diabetic.

And while we’re talking about bad diabetics, there’s no such thing as a bad diabetic. There are just human people who got a life-consuming disease that they didn’t ask for which requires them to fight to stay alive 86,400/24/7. Forgive us for not being perfect, please. I should mention that being perfect is another requirement of type-1 diabetes. I can’t do it. I don’t know anyone who can. We do our best.

I’d like to have a life where I don’t forget injections and then lose entire days to recovering. But I’m starting to realize that this kind of life doesn’t exist. I’ve set alarms on my phone, I’ve communicated my needs with other people, Ive gone to therapy and done the homework, I’ve spent long swaths of time not forgetting anything, I’ve asked doctors for help to keep it that way, I’ve rearranged my life and my furniture, I’ve downloaded apps, I’ve done yoga, I prayed once, anything I thought might help make living with this disease easier. Some have worked and some haven’t but the fact remains that less than 12 hours ago I almost died again because I fell asleep early.

There is no easier. There is only acceptance, effort, and the will to fight. It’s going to go well sometimes, and sometimes I’m going to be a regular human with flaws. Not a bad diabetic, a human with a lot on her plate. I am saying this message for myself as much as anyone.

There are no bad diabetics.